I’m exposing myself.  It’s the only way that you will understand my heart for you.  God placed you in my heart.  All I have ever wanted is for God’s Church to be whole and healed in Jesus.  I have spent my life being connected with broken people who needed Truth.

Like you, I have a history of experiences that changed and molded my life forever.  Most of those experiences (other than death), were when someone else (family, friends, bosses, etc.) made decisions for me and I had to be part of that experience whether I wanted to or not.  I have been face down on the floor wailing before the Lord when I have been in pain.  I have cried out to Him in my struggles and battles.  At times I have had no strength, courage, or wisdom and knew there had to be a better way and I needed a Warrior (Jesus) to go before me. I needed to be saved. I needed Jesus.  I had to find God’s wisdom.

“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold” (Proverbs 3:13-14).

I had to trust Jesus.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Before I share my battles with you, I want you to know that I have had great things which have happened in my life.  My life has not just consisted of the battles listed below but also many triumphs.  Thank God I had Jesus.  I don’t know how I would have ever survived any of my battles without Him.  I did get married for a second time to a wonderful man (Robert) and we have been married to for over thirty-five years.  We moved across the country for my job of a lifetime working at Church Initiative in North Carolina as a Ministry Consultant/Coach/Instructor for twelve years.  I loved training pastors and lay leaders throughout our great country.  It was awesome! Sometimes being called by God costs “something” and my “something” was being separated from my six grandchildren, family, and my best friend.  For eight years I missed them terribly until we moved back to Las Vegas, Nevada.  But I would never change a thing because my job and experiences were amazing!

I believe that God, who is my Supreme Commander and Chief, has used every battle to mold and shape me to become what He has called me to be.  I believe the battles that I am about to share will help you to realize what I have been through and how God has helped me through each one.  Here are some of my past battles:

• I lost a brother when I was four years old.
• My parents divorced when I was six years old.
• My mom brought my alcoholic grandfather into our home.
• At age fourteen, I moved 2,500 miles away from my siblings to live with my father and step-mom.
• At eighteen, I married an Air Force Serviceman and within months moved to the Philippines for three years.  I later found out that he was unfaithful. He became a gambler and an alcoholic.  We had a two-year-old son and there was no money for diapers and food for my son.  After going to my pastor, Alcoholic Anonymous, and Gamblers anonymous, I divorced my husband at the age of twenty-four.
• Out of that marriage, I had a full-blown manipulative child that grew up to be a full-blown manipulative teen and that was the first thirty-five years of my life.
• I was asked by an elder of a church to do an unethical task for a ministry. When I refused I was shunned in the church for ten months. God was faithful. The elder and the couple running the ministry were removed.
• Many of my biggest attacks came by losing over twenty family members including my mom, dad, all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, a child, and four grandchildren to death before I turned fifty.  Plus, all of my husband’s parents and step-parents.
• After moving to North Carolina for my job with Church Initiative, I began to grieve due to leaving six grandchildren behind in Nevada.
• Because of the Covid-19 pandemic, my husband and I had to quarantine for over one year due to his health issues.
• During the writing of this book, my only child and son, Chris, who was an alcoholic (generational sin) died. He almost died two and a half years ago and was in the ICU for 16 days. He got pneumonia, went in, out, and back into the hospital again, and died on November 11, 2020.
• My husband, Robert, was diagnosed in December 2020 with prostate cancer.

And there are only a few of my battles.

My biggest fear was failing.  Thinking back, I thought I could handle things on my own.  I began to protect myself and tried to control the outcomes. I tried to fix things myself.  When it worked, (which only fueled me, I thought I could control things and used logical common sense which had been working great for me) it looked and felt great on the surface.  But no one knew the difference, I simply wore a mask to hide all my pain.

I would shove my feelings and emotions deep down within myself or I would choose to put the emotions on hold and would only take them out when I thought I could deal with it.

And, like everyone else, those feelings I shoved away returned and reared their ugly head.  They showed up again and again in different circumstances.

I thought I was in control.  I had a perfectionist personality. I have always been responsible and taken charge of my actions/responses/outcomes to any situation.  As I grew older those emotions came out.  My responses were at times very poor.  I would yell and be angry at others and/or cry.  I would make poor decisions out of emotions that turned out bad. (What was I thinking?).  It was stinking thinking!  That’s what it was, just stinking thinking.

I also realized that knowing “why” I was going through the battles never changed the outcome.  I still had to work and process them with God.  God had a plan and a purpose for every battle I’ve been through and ever will go through.  Be encouraged that no matter what you are going through God can use your situation to edify others and glorify Him.

There have been many battles in my life that I was unprepared for.  I’ve been in a spiritual war my entire life – one battle or attack after another.  Nevertheless, those battles have made me become who I am today – a strong Christian.  I have a Savior who walks alongside of me and gives me all that I need to become a victorious warrior.  That is why God poured the words on these pages.  This book is for anyone who is in a spiritual battle and wants to overcome.  Your battles are not in vain. They are there for a purpose and a plan.  I have been molded and shaped by God through every battle.  And so are you.  That is why I can say Every Battle Matters!